


An Invitation

by NaeNae_ravenclaw



Category: The Fall (TV 2013), The X-Files
Genre: AU, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, M/M, Multi, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-01 18:55:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11492595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaeNae_ravenclaw/pseuds/NaeNae_ravenclaw
Summary: When Dana Scully moved to London, she was full of hope of a new life. One where she could stop running and be still for once. Now, two years later, she is starting to regret this decision. Will the addition of a certain blonde help her feel at home in London or will that blonde be the final blow that sends Dana back across the pond?





	1. First Glance

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any characters used here. 
> 
>  
> 
> This is directly after IWTB and the Paul Spector case. IWTB followed season 9 by a year, so Mulder and Scully only lived together a year and were only with one another for 11 years, not two decades.
> 
> Also, I love Mulder and Scully but like these two together a bit better! This is my first story so please be nice and loving! Please leave comments, both god and bad (I want to learn!), and please excuse any typos. I can not wait to hear what you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stella looked down at her watch, waiting for the trolley. It was due 5 minutes ago and she was growing impatient. She couldn't afford to be late for her meeting, not with the amount of dog shit she found herself swimming in. She glanced at her clock again, contemplating speed walking. The trolley pulled up just then, much to Stella’s relief, and she quickly boarded. She was a nervous wreck, more nervous than she would admit to anyone, including herself. It was true she had fucked up but she couldn't believe that it had gotten the attention of the Commissioner. She sat there thinking of how she was to explain the events that occurred in Belfast in a logical and objective manner, feeling a sense of guilt and embarrassment. This was going to be a long meeting that would end in the loss of her ability to conduct field work, at the least, or the removal of a title and perhaps a job, at the worst. She got off the trolley at her stop and quickly walked through the corridor, wanting this to end quickly. She sat on the bench outside the Commissioner's headquarters and lifted her head high. She would not let them see her guilt or embarrassment. She would go in feigning confidence in her actions and convince them of her worthiness. 

“Dana Scully?” the secretary called out and a beautiful redhead with a warm smile stood to follow the secretary in. 

Lost in her own pep talk, Stella didn't notice the stunning redhead had been sitting next to her until she was called. As soon as she saw her, she regretted her lack of observation. She was beautiful, soft and warm, yet stern and tough. Stella was intrigued. She watched as the redhead stood, her light grey pants suit briefly sticking to the back of her leg. She wore little to no makeup and Stella wondered how she managed to look absolutely perfect without it. The redhead noticed Stella staring and gave a small, almost nervous smile. Stella felt a stir in her belly. No. This is part of the reason you are here. Keep it together, Stella chastised herself, but she couldn't stop her mind from wondering what it would be like to have the redhead, Dana, pushed against a wall with that smile on her lips, her hands cupping the redhead's breasts, making her pant and moan and.... Her name being called pulled her from her train of thought and she got up and walked into the office. Here goes nothing, Stella thought as she prepared for the worst.  
**  
Dana sat on the cold bench waiting to be greeted by Detective Superintendent James Petroli. James had become a great friend to her, the only friend she had in London and they were meeting for a late breakfast or early lunch. He was charming and handsome, but she had never given him a thought. He had tried to get her to go on a real date with her but she steadily refused. After being in a complicated relationship with Mulder for all those years, she couldn't bring herself to consider dating again. She was set for this lifetime, though at times she was overwhelmed by the sadness and loneliness she felt. Dana had set James up with a professor at Oxford that she worked with and they had been happy since. 

Dana looked up when a blonde woman sat next to her. The woman had striking blue eyes and blonde hair that was pulled back into a bun and pinned underneath her hat. She uniform was perfectly ironed, not a wrinkle in sight. Though this was not a particularly feminine outfit, Dana could see her soft curves, her toned calves, her plump lips and the curve of her well-hidden breasts. She looked back up to her eyes saw a brief flash of hopelessness. Her heart leaped a little and she had to resist the urge to touch her. Dana turned her head away from the blonde and thought about what it meant. She was straight. She was raised Catholic. She did not date women. Yet her body was responding to her in ways that she had never experienced with any of her previous sexual partners. She wanted to kiss her, not just out of a lustful place but to comfort her. Normally she would have thought to talk with someone in order to comfort them but she immediately thought of physical contact when it came to the blonde. Her thoughts were interrupted by a young secretary calling her name. She felt the need to stay with the woman. As she got up to go with the secretary, she felt the blonde’s eyes on her. Does she know? Dana thought and suddenly felt nervous as she gave the woman a soft smile. She walked into the office, hoping her thoughts of the woman wouldn't linger too long. 

James and Dana left soon after her entrance, Dana noticing the woman was gone when she walked past the bench. Their meal went on without a hitch. It was always the same with James. He would ask if she was okay, if she was eating and sleeping, has she met any new friends and so on. Her answers were always the same. She was fine and was eating and sleeping as much as her work allowed. She never reported on any new friends or love interests which saddened James. He wanted Dana to be happy. Having known Mulder from Oxford, he knew their relationship had to have been rough, though Dana never talked about it. He worried about Dana, knowing their bi-weekly brunch was not enough to combat loneliness. Once they finished eating, Dana walked James back to the office, hugged him goodbye, telling him to give Charles her best, and exited the building. She was about to go back to her car when she saw the woman from the bench again. Their eyes met and Dana took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. Her hair was out of the hat now and Dana thought that she looked even more beautiful. She wanted to do something and the only thing that came to her mind that didn't involve touching the stranger was to wave.  
**

Stella walked out of the Commissioner's office with her head hung low. It could have been much worse. She had a two-week suspension and upon return was assigned desk work until further notice. I still have a job, thought Stella. She would just have to suffer until they deemed she was too valuable to be at a desk. She sighed as she walked out of the building, wondering what she would do for two weeks. She took off her hat and unpinned her hair, letting the soft golden curls frame her face. As she fingered her hair to get the crease from the pin out, she saw the redhead again. Her nervous smile was back and she moved to wave but dropped her phone instead. She heard the redhead softly curse under her breath. You can't, you're on suspension for fuck sake, she thought, but her body had a mind of its own. She walked toward the other woman. She picked up her phone, never taking her eyes off of Dana. 

“Thank you very much,” Dana said, trying not to sound too nervous. She didn’t know what had gotten into her but she needed to get a grip and fast. She thought of how ridiculous she was being and laughed out loud. Stella looked at her, confused at Dana’s outburst only to join in after a few moments. 

“Hi, I’m Dana,” Dana said after their laughter subsided a little.

“Stella” Stella said as she handed Dana her phone back. She looked at the woman in front of her and saw a bit of herself in her eyes. Their laughter had stopped at this point and was replaced by an intense gaze. The women looked into each other’s eyes, sea blue to sky blue. They felt a thump in their chest and both looked away knowing the other had felt it too. 

James came out of the building, noticed Dana and Stella laughing with one another. He was suddenly hopeful. He knew both of these women. Stella had worked with each other when they first left the academy. He had always been one to get Stella with her one night stands back when she was too shy to do it. Though it never occurred to him before thought they would make the perfect pair. He walked over to the ladies, who were looking anywhere but each other. 

“ I’m James in case anyone was wondering” He joked, having heard their introductions. He gave Stella a hug, figuring she had just come out of a meeting about her time in Belfast and could use one. Stella stiffened under the hug, not surprising James at all. He pulled away. “Are you okay, dear?” James looked at her with a concerned look on his face.

“ Yes, of course, I'm fine,” she said and went back to looking at Dana, who had a slightly worried look on her face. She didn't want to tell Dana about what had just occurred. She was embarrassed and wish James would shut up. After a moment, Dana looked at James and wondered what he had come out for. 

Sensing Dana’s question he said “I forgot to tell you something major!!” while grabbing hold of Dana’s hands and nearly jumping up and down with excitement. Dana’s ears perked up as Stella looked at the two in shock, not realizing that they knew each other and felt a brief disappointment when she thought they were seeing one another. She had not seen James in years and wouldn't be surprised if he had a catch like Dana.

“I’m getting married!” James said. Dana immediately hugged him and kissed him all over his face saying how she was so happy and knew that he and Charles would be perfect together. Stella immediately felt stupid and puzzled by her previous feelings of sadness; She had no claim to Dana, she barely knew her. Upon her relief, she gave her congratulations as well. James handed them an invitation to the ceremony that was to happen in two months time. 

“If I know the both of you I know that you will each show up alone, so I am giving one of you an invitation so that the other will be their plus one. I think you both will make excellent friends and suggest you get to know one another before the event. Ta Ta.” James said matter of factly, leaving the two women with confused looks on their faces. He smiled in triumph. This is going to be good, he thought as he walked back into the building to get back to work. 

Stella looked at Dana feeling sorry for the woman. It seemed that James had not done this to her before. Stella, herself, was used to James’ shenanigans and would speak to him later about his forwardness as well as to have a proper catch-up. Now, however, she was grateful for him because he had created an excuse for her to talk to Dana without looking ridiculous. She noticed her trolley coming and quickly wrote her phone number on the back of the invitation and handed it to Dana. 

“It's ok if you don't want to go with me. If you decide you should want to, call me sometime in the next week or so” Stella said and she gave Dana a kiss on her cheek, close to the edge of her mouth. She walked over to the trolley just as it pulled up. She got on and waved bye, silently praying that Dana would call her.

Dana stood there with an invitation in one hand and a phone with a slightly cracked case in the other. She walked to the car and drove to the University completely confused as to what just happened. She was uncertain about a lot of things but she was certain that she wanted to see Stella again.


	2. Second Time's the Charm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stella was a mess. Today was the 5th day of her suspension and she was going out of her mind. At first, she had liked it; she got to do the things she never does like window shopping and taking walks in parks for the heck of it. The problem was she simply did not care for that sort of stuff. She needed to work! She let out a frustrated sigh and got out of bed. It was 6 am, her internal alarm clock did not take any breaks it would seem. She walked into the kitchen and turned on the Keurig. Leaning against the cabinet she thought about what she would do today. It was Friday, a day that other people would gladly welcome as it marked the end of a long work week and the start of the weekend break. Unfortunately, she had had an extended weekend and was running out of things to do. 

Her time alone had forced her to face the fact that she was alone. Normally, she distracted herself by becoming engrossed in criminals and contemplating the best ways to catch them but she no longer had that distraction. She thought of calling her mother but decided not to open that can of worms just yet. Instead, she took her poured cup of coffee to her couch and curled up the way she did when she was a little girl. She pulled the throw from the couch over her face and slowly allowed herself to cry. It had been such a long time since she had someone she could call and they would drop what they were doing and come to her. In fact, she can't remember a time when she ever felt that way. She had always been a loner, when she was younger she embraced it. But now, she had always imagined that she would be happy.

She didn't need many people to be happy, didn't need to go steady with anyone. She needed a few good friends. She had some but her best friend, Amelia simply had bigger priorities as a married mother of three young boys. Her friendship with Sean had been severed due to his bold declaration of love for her. So now she was alone. She thought of James and how they had been so close at one point, she even helped him come to terms with his bisexuality. She thought of his invitation and realized she had no idea when it was to take place because she gave the invitation to Dana. Her mind wandered to the redhead. She had looked so pure, so sweet and young somehow. She had managed to pull off a look that was soft and gentle yet professional and a bit stern. Stella remembered her face and her smile. Her laughter that was so adorable and contagious that Stella couldn't help but join in on. She thought about how that small interaction had made her day. How she was able to forget about her world in that small intense gaze until stupid James brought her world back full force. She wished she would have stayed and talked with her a bit but the trolley had come and she welcomed the opportunity to get out of that stiff official suit. 

Dana hadn't called her. She hadn't texted and Stella was disappointed. She truly wanted to go to the engagement party and hoped to go with Dana. She was saddened she hadn't called. Well you win some you lose some, Stella tried to tell herself. She didn't want to admit how badly she had wanted that call. How badly she craved the connection she felt for the other woman.

She made a mental note to call James and get an invitation of her own as well as inform him that his plan failed and she fell into a soft slumber. 

** 

“I'm available for office hours on Monday and can be contacted via email at all times. Don't forget I'm here for you guys! Good luck with your take homes. I expect them emailed by midnight Monday night.” Dana said as she dismissed her class.

It was 4 pm on Friday and she was ready to head to her flat. Stopped by her office to grab her coat and bag and headed to her car. She closed the car door and sat for a bit. She thought about her life and how it seemed to be falling apart. London hadn't made it better and she concluded that no location would. She was the problem. She thought about moving back to the States. If she moved back she could be with her family. She could spend more time with her mother who she missed dearly and attempt to mend her relationship with Bill. She would have to deal with Mulder. She desperately did not want to see him again so she pushed that thought from her mind. She couldn't think of him right now. She had to keep it together long enough to get to her flat. A single tear fell before she was able to stop the thoughts and she reached in her glove compartment for a tissue. Her hands were greeted by a stiff paper and she turned to look at the misplaced object. She found the invitation to James and Charles' engagement party and smiled a genuine smile. She hadn't forgotten about the invitation but rather misplaced it. For the life of her, she hadn't been able to find it since the Monday it was given to her. Stella had been on her mind often in the past few days, not just in relation to her beauty and draw she felt but also because of what her attraction to the blonde meant. Her body confused her. Though she had always welcomed the LGBTQ community, she had never considered herself a part of the community, only an ally there to support them if they should need it. Now she wasn't so sure. She couldn't bring herself to state that she was attracted to Stella out loud though she knew it to be true. 

Dana turned at the sound of someone knocking on the passenger side window. She saw James’ distraught face and smiled as she lowered the window. 

“Let me in?” He said and she unlocked the car door. James got into the car and looked at Dana, who still had the invitation in her hand. 

“Can we go back to your place? I need a friend.” James said rather loudly. Dana began to drive without saying a word knowing that James would quickly fill the car with his words. “I cannot fucking believe this guy! Why is he so maddening? One day he says, no I don't want an engagement party the next he's helping me pick out the food. Then he's back to nagging me about it being too much. The food that he himself picked out. Seriously, Dana the guys driving me wild. I'm ready to just have the party at the local strip joint!” James said. 

Dana knew James by now and knew that he wouldn't be this worked up over Charles’ fluctuations- that was an everyday occurrence. She looked over a James and realized that she had both of them. It was James and Charles that she had in London. She would forever be the third wheel and she almost laughed at how sad that sounded. They arrived at Dana’s place a few minutes later. 

“Dinner and hot cocoa at my place?” She said and James nodded. They got out of her car and walked into her flat. James made himself comfortable, having been here many of times when Charles made him upset or he sensed Dana could use some company. She went over to the fridge and pulled out the chicken she had been marinating. She put it in the oven and put some pasta on the stove. James came in and helped her prepare their dinner, pasta with chicken and spinach and alfredo sauce. When done, James fixed their plates while Dana set some blankets and napkins out in the living room. She spread the blanket on the floor and placed the napkins on the coffee table. She walked back to the kitchen to grab the hot chocolate while James placed their plates on the coffee table. They sat on the floor and began their meal.

“You know, it's not really his wavering that upsets me,” James said. 

“No?” Dana said playing along. She knew this would happen and had been wondering what the kernel of the problem was.

“I went to surprise him today. I was going to pick him up from work and go to our favorite restaurant. I walked into the hallway where his office was and was about to go in when I was pulled to a less open part of the hallway” James said. “He didn't want to be seen with me, Dana. After all this time. He's out now, both to his family and his workplace. He has been acting like this for a while now and I don't understand why.” 

“Some people just feel uncomfortable with public displays of affection. I personally don't care too much for it.” Dana said taking a bit of the pasta. 

“Yeah, but I didn't try to kiss him or anything. I literally just wanted to see him” James said defeated. “I know he loves me; he proposed to me for god sake! But I don't understand what is so wrong about me. Why can't I be enough?”

Dana's heart broke for her friend. She knew what it was like to be on the other end of this particular stick. Mulder had been the same way. Not afraid of PDA, he had made her feel incredibly uncomfortable more times than she could count. She knew that Charles loves James with all his heart. When James wasn't around he was empty. Anyone around could tell James was Charles' other half, was the person that made him whole. Dana tried to explain that to him and James slowly began to take in what she was saying. They were just about to finish up their conversation when James received a call. Looking at the caller ID he saw that it was Stella and immediately got up and went to the bathroom telling Dana he had to take this. Dana assumed it was Charles and that they were going to talk things out. 

Once in the bathroom, James picked up the phone.

“Hello,” James said a bit out of breath as he had to run in order to avoid missing the call.

“James, hi. I afraid I need a new invitation to your engagement party” 

“Oh?” He could have sworn he saw Dana with the invitation in the car. Did Dana not want to go with Stella? 

“Yeah, no call. Can you drop one off at my place at some point, or, rather, I can just come by your office. I really have all the time in the fucking world” James let out a laugh. 

“How is your time off?” 

“Bloody dreadful. I'm so bored all the time. I cleaned my linen closet twice! If I don't get out of this fucking house I'm going to lose my mind. Speaking of, are you available for drinks tonight? I could use some human interaction.” 

“Umm..... what time are you thinking?”

“2300hrs at our old place?” He looked at his watch and agreed. He had three hours until their get together. 

He thought about what he needed to figure out if he needed to drop by his house first and realized that he didn't have any invitations with him. He remembered Stella's reason and was shocked all over again. He can't believe that Dana hadn't called Stella. That was out of character for her. Even if she didn't want to go she would have gone if only to be polite. He concludes that Dana must have either forgot or chickened out. Either way, he would use tonight to get these two together, especially because he wasn't particularly in a drinking mood. Their old place was a bar about a 5-minute walking distance from Dana’s flat, making this get together perfect for her. Stella’s flat was across the city but he knew she loved the place and wouldn’t mind the trip.

He put his phone in his back pocket and walked out to the living room. They're empty plates remained and Dana was picking them up preparing to bring them to the sink. James sat down and drinker the lukewarm hot cocoa. He was perfectly fine sitting here with Dana for the rest of the evening but he had a job to do.

“Dana, let's go out,” James said seemingly out of the blue.

“James...” James knew that Dana hated going out and would only do so on very rare and special occasions. He sat up straighter and looked her in her eye. 

“Girl, what have you got to lose? I will make sure you look fabulous so you don't have to worry about that. I could play your wingman!” he said.

“You don't need a wingman when you are not looking for a mate. Plus the probability of me finding a partner to go steady with is highly unlikely. I don't want one night stands, I want magic but the time has passed for that,” Dana pointed out with a little agitation present in her voice. 

“Please, Dana. I really need to focus on someone and something else right now. Plus there is alcohol there and no alcohol here...” Her look softened and he knew he had her. Dana knew that James really was feeling insecure right now and didn't want to make it seem like she too didn't want to be seen with him. Plus, she thought that James was good at getting people dressed up and wanted to give him an opportunity to feel useful and succeed, knowing it would boost his ego. 

“Fine. Make me beautiful, James” she said and they set out for her closet. James went straight to the back, knowing that the sexiest of Dana’s clothes remained in the back of her closet. 

“This is gold!” he said and Dana sighed, knowing this would not be a twenty-minute project. 

** 

Stella hung up the phone, feeling proud of herself. She felt a little less alone knowing that she could rely on James even if only for this night. She was looking forward to seeing James. Every time they met up he always found a way to make her laugh, which was no small feat. She welcomed this distraction as she tried to decide what to wear. She wanted to be comfortable and stylish and opted for designer track bottoms and a loose silk blouse. She finished the look with a black cardigan and a pair of simple black pumps. She put a long gold necklace on and headed to the bathroom. She put a touch of makeup on, not wanting nor willing to try too hard. Still having about an hour and a half to go she grabbed her keys and went to eat dinner before heading to the bar.

About an hour later, her heels clicked as she walked into the bar. She knew this bar like the back of her hand at this point and went straight to the private section. The section was divided by red curtains and each space had its own curtain to pull. It was arranged such that each section was behind one another, making it difficult to see into one another. She picked the one furthest from the entrance where she always sat and signaled for the worker. She ordered a whiskey for herself and tequila for James. She didn't want to behave tonight and was glad she had arrived a bit early. She moved back out to the public area looking around the room in hopes of finding a companion for the night. Her eyes landed on a rather large toned man with light brown hair and a smile that screamed ‘baddie’. He turned, feeling someone staring and give her a knowing grin. She was slightly still hidden by the current separating the private section from the outside. She starts to walk over when the guy's eyes roam to the entrance of the bar. She turns and sees a woman in a little black dress. She was turned around, hanging her jacket on the hook near the door. Stella’s eyes roamed her petite form. She had toned calves that were highlighted by her sky high fuck me pumps. She had a muscular back with what appeared to be smooth soft skin. The dress clung to her body, showing her soft curves. Stella felt herself getting hot. 

“Stella? See something you like?” James said and pulled her to the section they always sit in. She reluctantly went back into the private section. He knew she was checking Dana out and liked what she saw. He mentally applauded himself as he had tailored the outfit with Stella’s preferences in mind. He saw her look back to find the woman again but she was nowhere in sight. James smiled at himself in amusement, clearly enjoying this.

“James, how are you, love?” she said offering him a smile. She was slightly disappointed but didn't want James to know. He, of course, already knew. 

“I'm doing good, preparing for the engagement party with my stupid, silly, cis-gendered, annoying fiancé.” Stella laughed at James knowing how dramatic he could be. James looked at Stella and smiled at her. She looked gorgeous tonight and knew Dana would love the minimalist look. “I’m afraid I forgot to use the little boy's room at my previous location. I’ll be right back” he lied. Stella knew something was off but she couldn't put her finger on what it was. It will come out eventually, she thought as he walked away. 

He went out into the hallway and signaled for the waiter to come to him. He gave him a description of Dana, telling him to escort her back to the booth where Stella was as per James’ request. He told the waiter to make sure they stayed in the room for as long as possible, using the excuse that James stepped out and would be right back. He tipped the young man graciously and went the bathroom area, waited ten minutes and left the bar. Now to deal with this bloody man of mine, he thought as he walked down the chilly street. 

**

James and Dana had just started their walk to the bar when Dana’s mother called. 

“Mom?”

“Hey, Dana. Do you have a minute to talk?” 

“Hold on, mom.” she covered her phone with her hand and told James she had to take this and to text her the address. She sat on the stairs leading to her flat and spoke again. 

“What wrong, mom?” 

“Oh sweetheart, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. How are you feeling?” Margaret said, trying to gage her daughter’s mood. 

“I’m okay. I’m actually on my way to a bar, going out with James.” 

“That’s great sweetie! Promise me you will call me tomorrow, okay?” 

“I will. I love you, mom” 

“Love you too!” 

Dana hung up the phone and began walking to the address that James had texted her. What she didn't know was that her mother had something important to tell her. 

When she arrived at the bar she turned to hang her coat on the hook, struggling for a second to put her keys in her pocket and grab her wallet. She is slightly uncomfortable. She was dressed in a backless, skin tight dress that stopped just above the knee. She had 5-inch red bottom heels on her hair was flat ironed straight, something she never did. She turned around, scanning the bar for James. She tried to ignore the stares she was getting as she walked over to the bartender asking if he had seen James. He didn't recall and tried to hit on her. She rolled her eyes and continued looking until a young waiter came and told her to follow him. She followed close behind him, averting the hungry eyes that seemed to engulf her peripheral vision. 

She went through a curtain and through a door that opened into a private cozy room. She was momentarily stunned by the sight before her. In the booth sat the blonde woman from Monday, the woman she had thought about far too often for her liking in the past week. Dana couldn't see her whole outfit but took in her bare arms and her silk blouse and her mouth went dry. Stella's followed suit, quickly realizing she was the woman she had been staring at.

“Hi,” Stella said, figuring out James’ plan and playing it cool.

“Hi,” Dana said softly, giving a small warm smile. I am going to kill James, she thought.


	3. You're Safe here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: talk of self harm

She went through a curtain and through a door that opened into a private cozy room. She was momentarily stunned by the sight before her. In the booth sat the blonde woman from Monday, the woman she had thought about far too often for her liking in the past week. Dana couldn't see her whole outfit but took in her bare arms and her silk blouse and her mouth went dry. Stella's followed suit, quickly realizing she was the woman she had been staring at.

“Hi,” Stella said, figuring out James’ plan and playing it cool.

“Hi,” Dana said softly, giving a small warm smile. I am going to kill James, she thought.

They stared at one another until the sound of the door closing disturbed their trance. Dana slowly sat down and Stella smirked. Tonight might be fun after all, she thought.

“James is too much for me right now,” Dana said under her breath as she sat down slowly.

“How are you doing?” Stella said at the same time Dana said, “How are you since we last met?”

They both laughed. “I'm doing alright,” Dana said. Stella debated about whether or not to tell her about her suspension; it was bound to happen eventually. Deciding not to, she said, “I am too.”

The waiter came back, this time with two drinks in hand. He set a whiskey in front of Stella and tequila in front of Dana. He then handed them each a napkin with sloppy handwriting on it and left the room. On each of the napkins, there was a personal message from James.

  
_Stella,_  
_You are welcome._  
_James_  
_P.s. she is worthy of your trust and worth it. Push through your hesitations and allow yourself to feel this connection. Also, call me tomorrow evening, love!_

 

_Dana,_  
_Let go and live! Also, call me tomorrow morning because I’m sure I’ll have some news in the morning and you better have some to tell me too._  
_James_

 

The women read each of their messages. Both smiling at James. Dana took a sip of her drink and looked at Stella. She had an unreadable expression on her face and Dana wondered what she was thinking and what her note said to prompt such a pensive face.

Stella stared at the note, reading it thrice before looking up to Dana. She didn't know how James knew that she was struggling to feel connected but then again James often knew what Stella felt before she cared to admit it to anyone including herself. She looked at Dana and tried to figure out why she felt drawn to the woman before her. She couldn't put her finger on it and decided she needed more information.

“So... What do you do?” Stella asked.

“I’m a professor at Oxford. You?”

“Law enforcement. Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson, at your service” For how long, I don't know, Stella added in her head. “James and I actually met during our training and trust me he was just as silly and flamboyant as he is now.”

Dana laughed at that and Stella joined in.

“What do you teach?” Stella asked, still trying to uncover Dana.

“I’m in the forensics department but also teach some courses in the Biology department. Most of my time goes to A and P though”

“A and P?”

“Anatomy and Physiology”

“Ah. I see. Why forensics?”

“I used to work for the United States government, the FBI. I spent so much of my life in the criminal, forensic oriented world that I can not imagine my life without it I suppose.” Stella looked at her, and for once was stunned to silence. She was not expecting that and this new information did nothing to form a clear picture of Dana. It’s hard to put her in a box, thought Stella and she stopped trying to fit Dana into an archetype.

“So you’re just a pretty face then,” joked Stella and Dana chuckled. “Where did you go to Uni?”

“The University of Maryland and then Georgetown. What about you?”

“Oxford”

“Your field of study?”

“Anthropology, Psychology, Fine arts with a focus in photography, Sociology, and Criminology.” It was Dana’s turn to be impressed.

“Nothing major then?” Dana said making them both laugh. They looked at each other. The sexual tension from earlier had shifted to genuine curiosity, intellectual attraction, and silent admiration and appreciation.

“What did James tell you in order to get you here?” asked Dana.

“Well, I actually called him a few hours ago. I was asking him for another invitation to his engagement party and suggested that we meet here for him and me to have a proper catch-up. We used to come to this place all the time.”

“Oh my goodness. Listen, I am so sorry I didn't call you. I had every intention to. I just misplaced it and had not found it until earlier this evening in my glove compartment.” she said, feeling terribly sorry. She looked down at her hands. Stella internalized her relief, masking it from Dana. She didn't want her to know how much she had wanted that call.

Dana was still looking down at her hands and Stella decided to take a chance. She reached her arm across the table, putting her pointer under Dana’s chin until she looked up. Dana lifted her head and looked into Stella’s eyes. She watched as Stella’s eyes slowly moved from her eyes to her lips and back up again. Her heart quickened when she saw Stella’s eyes dilated. Stella leaned forward and Dana held her breath. She looked at Stella's lips and then the rest of her face. She saw the small freckles and her light mascara that complemented her beautiful eyes too well.

Stella was slowly losing control and something in the back of her mind informed her of this. That voice, however, was completely silenced when she saw Dana lean forward and breathe in her scent. She wondered how far Dana would go as they were face to face, so close that if they both stuck their tongues out, they would touch. Stella reached her hand out to Dana and grazed her cheek, moving to put a strand of her red hair behind her ear. Dana leaned even closer at the contact and Stell sat back a little. Much to Stella’s surprise, Dana stood up and came over to Stella’s side of the booth. Obviously intrigued, she wanted to be closer to Stella and explore both the woman in front of her and her new found desires. She just didn't know how. She was afraid to touch her.

Stella sensed Dana’s struggle and put her hand up to her cheek. Dana leaned into the caress.

“So warm,” Stella whispered as if she had never felt such as thing before. She’s so soft, so warm, Stella thought as she continued to stroke the woman's face. Her smoky-eye eye shadow seemed out of place on her pretty face and Stella felt the urge to wipe it off and if she wasn't in the hell hole she would have done just that. Normally, this would have turned her on even more, but this time she felt like the makeup was obstructing her view.

“Let’s get out of here,” Stella said and Dana slowly nodded. They got up to leave and walked back out to the regular area. They went to the bar to pay their tab only to realize it was already taken care of. Dana turned to grab her coat and reality hit her. Am I really going to bring someone to my house that I barely know? She thought. Should we go to a hotel? Should she even go at all? Stella felt the doubt creep into to Dana and she touches Dana’s back, making her skin get goosebumps.

“Nothing has to happen tonight. You are safe to decide what you want, regardless of the outcome,” Stella whispered, but from the moment she touched her, Dana only saw one path to take.

“My place isn't far from here. We can walk if you don't mind”

“I don't mind,” Stella said and they made their way out of the door. The walk to Dana’s flat was quiet for the most part and full of stolen glances as both women tried to figure the other one out. When they arrived at Dana’s front door, Dana hesitated briefly before taking a deep breath and allowing the blonde into her space. The hung their coats on the hooks in the tiny hallway that lead to the living room but didn't move from the narrow hallway. Stella was running out of patience and fought the urge to grab her into a passionate kiss. She would have come at least twice by this time if she had taken the man from the bar to bed. This is better, Stella thought and she looked at Dana. Though she had yet to say the woman's name out loud she somehow felt safe with her and the last thing she wanted to do was take away the very thing that Dana was offering her from Dana.

Dana took Stella's hand and lead her into the living room, thanking her lucky stars that she had decided to clean up her and James’ mess. She stood in front of Stella, taller because she still was wearing her pumps and slowly grabbed Stella's face. With both hands on either side of her face, she looked into her eyes for the millionth time that night. Her thumbs glided over her freckled cheeks and then her plump lips. Stella opened her mouth a bit, making Dana’s finger partially in her mouth. She sucked lightly, wanted to speed things up a bit. Dana gasped. She watched as her finger got pulled in by Stella's lips and felt her thong dampen. Dana leaned forward until her lips were just over Stella’s, her finger still in her mouth. Stella felt her heart quicken in anticipation and Dana tentatively leaned forward testing the space, before fully closing the distance between their lips. Stella moaned into Dana’s mouth and placed her hands on Dana’s hips pulling her closer. The kiss quickly picked up, becoming more passionate by the second. Having already accepted that she has no control when it came to Dana, she allowed herself to get lost in the kiss. Dana removed her fingers and replaced it with her tongue and she moved her hands down her back. The kiss continued this way, the women moaning into one another and feeling each other up until Dana pulled away, gasping for air. Stella, out of breath herself but not wanting to stop, placed small kisses along Dana’s jaw and upper neck before moving back up to meet her lips. Dana was going crazy and didn't realize that Stella was too. Dana pulled back again and took a step back.

“I want you so badly” Dana whispered, shocking both herself and Stella.

“God.. I want you too,” Stella said. I need you, she thought in her head and Dana could see that those words didn't come lightly and had more than a sexual implication. Looking into her eyes she thought about why James would try so hard to get them together. At first, she thought it was just a ploy to get her to an orgasm as she had not been laid at least two years but now she thought she was wrong. She didn't think Stella was one to hold back or suppress her sexual desires and she could easily get sex from another person, she had seen the looks the guys in the bar had given her. This can't just be about sex, she thought.

Stella had come to that conclusion after reading James’ note to her, which was part of the reason for her curiosity. Every since she was little she had loved puzzles. It offered her quality time with her father as well as quiet time to think. It was also the reason she was so good at her job. She would work tirelessly to get the solution to the puzzle and Dana was definitely an enigma.

“Sleep with me?” Dana said in a small voice. She looked at Stella and offered a small smile before walking to her bedroom, leaving Stella space to decide. She pulled out two oversized t shirts and sat them on the bed. Then she waited.

Stella stood in the living room, debating on whether or not she should stay the night. She knew that the offer was not based in sex and that scared her. She was good at sex, even great at it but she didn't do well with intimacy. She tried to remind herself that it was exactly what she had craved this morning, what she had cried over, but her defense won. She walked to the hallway to grab her coat. She put on, trying to fish her car key out of her pocket, but they wouldn't come out. She emptied out the contents of her pocket, stopping when she saw the napkin with James’ note. She took a deep breath and took off her coat. You can be brave. You can do this, she thought as she walked to Dana’s room.

Dana let out a breath of relief when Stella came in having heard the rustle of her coat. She was sitting on the edge of her bed with the pajamas on either side of her. Stella walked over to Dana, and hovering over her, she kissed her. The kiss turned passionate again and Dana stood up to get better access to Stella. Stella’s hands drifted to the bottom of Dana’s dress and tugged gently letting Dana know she wanted to take it off. Dana lifted her hands up and Stella quickly removed the fabric, leaving Dana in nothing but her heels and thong. Dana stepped out of her heels. Stella dipped her head lower and took one of Dana’s nipples into her mouth, sucking gently then placing small kisses around her areola. She paid the same attention to the other one. Dana tried tugging on the hem of Stella’s shift but Stella put her hands over Dana’s before rising and kissing Dana on her mouth. Stella grabbed one of the t shirts and put it over Dana’s head, dressing her. Once the shirt was on, Dana tried to take Stella’s shirt off again, this time not meeting resistance. She moved the fabric over her head and undid her bra quickly. Her mouth was on Stella’s breasts and Stella let out a loud moan, startling herself. She placed open mouth kisses all over her abdomen after paying special attention to Stella’s perfect breasts. She moved lower and undid the drawstring on Stella’s pants. Dana saw the muscles in Stella’s abdomen clench and Stella’s body tensed.

“What’s wrong?” Dana was smart enough to recognize that it wasn't anything to do with her actions. Stella shook her head and went to kiss Dana. Dana kissed her back, only until she felt her body relax against hers again. She pulled back.  
“What’s wrong?” she asked again and Stella contemplated telling her the truth. She could either leave the room and never look back, effectively denying human connection, or she could let someone in. Stella slowly pulled down her pants, looking everywhere but at Dana’s face and Dana saw what had Stella uneasy.

“Don't look at them,” Stella whispered but Dana ignored her. She bent lower, slowly, giving Stella the room to tell her no. When she didn't, Dana pulled her thong down, revealing all of her scars. They were deep. Some had been reopened and some should have been stitched Dana noticed but she didn't say anything, instead, her heart broke as she wondered what type of pain had caused this. She could tell they were self-inflicted by the angle and her eyes watered. She moved to touch the scars, but Stella held her hands again. Dana looked up and saw the tears streaming down Stella’s face silently. After a moment, Stella let go of her hands and Dana gently outlined the scars with her fingers, making sure to touch each one individually. Her fingers were replaced by her lips as she kissed each one, silently telling Stella it was okay.

Stella looked down through her tears. At first, when Dana touched her scars it hurt. She had never shown these to anyone; the one person who she would have shown had died. After a little while, though, she felt a sense of relief. Like the burden had been taken off of her shoulders. She didn't have to deal with this alone anymore. She was no longer the only keeper of this secret.

Dana stood up and grabbed the other shirt off of the bed. She dressed Stella the way she had done for her. She took Stella's hand and lead her to the side of the bed, spread the covers back and motioned for Stella to get in. She obliged, much to Dana’s surprise and Dana climbed in behind her, being the big spoon to Stella’s little spoon. She put her arms around Stella and put her face in the crook of Stella’s neck. She could hear Stella’s quiet sobs this way. She put her lips to Stella’s ear and whispered “I’ve got you, Stella. You’re safe here” over and over, squeezing her tight until they both fell asleep.


	4. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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>    
> 

Stella opened her eyes and looked around, disoriented, and blinked several times. Her head was throbbing from the tears she shed last night and she groaned. She realized she wasn't at home and began to panic until she turns and sees the person sleeping next to her. Her eyes teared up as she remembered last night. She had let go of Dana’s hand and allowed her to touch her. She remembered the way her soft fingers felt against her rough skin. How her soft lips had startled her and touched her deeply. She remembered Dana’s voice, asserting safety, lulling her to sleep and felt incredibly touched. She had never let anyone get that close to her. 

Her eyes wandered back to Dana’s face. The creases in her forehead were no longer visible and Stella realized just how tense Dana was when she was awake. She looked incredibly peaceful, fully relaxed and at least five years younger. Dana had not taken off her makeup from last night and Stella found herself, much to her surprise, annoyed. Stella was always one to appreciate the time and effort women put into making themselves feel beautiful. She normally would have been so turned on by the smoky-eye, heavy mascara look, but she didn't like it in this moment. She didn't think it was very Dana-ish and it did nothing but obstruct her view. Stella wanted to see Dana fully, without any hindrances or obstacles. She had the urge to take it off and if Dana had been up, she would have done just that. 

She climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Dana, and searched for the bathroom. Not realizing there was a private bathroom, she walked out of Dana’s room and found the guest bathroom. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. With the little makeup she had smudged around her eyes, she thought she looked like death. Using the hand soap from the counter, Stella washed her face and rinsed her mouth out. This is why I hate spending the night, she thought. Stella had always cherished her toiletries, not only because they were hers, they were her armor, how she prepared for the outside world. She used the products to put on her face, the face that the outside world would see. It was a huge reason why her one night stands happened in either her hotel room or her home. She was in control of the situation, the sleeping arrangements, and was prepared come the next morning. 

Thinking of the outside world, she went to the coat rack near the front door to check her phone. Fuck, she thought when she saw that the battery had died. Not wanting to pry and look around Dana’s house to see if she had the same charger as her, she decided to go to her car and get her spare. She took the time to scan her surroundings. Dana’s house set up was so different than hers. She thought that Dana had combined cute, chic and cozy. There were candles on table tops and window sills and an orange fuzzy throw on her couch. The couch itself was a light grey color and had assorted colorful throw pillows on it. A huge grey Lovesac was next to the couch, in the corner of the living room, and a large maroon rug was in between the couch and the television and looked super soft. Her coffee table was black and wooden and was on top of the rug in the center of the room. Her dining room consisted of a small wooden table that matched the coffee table in the living room. It had woven yellow and green place mats and a vase filled with marbles in various shades of blue as the centerpiece. There was only room for two at her table and Stella imagined herself sitting there with Dana over a meal. 

She walked back into Dana’s room and quietly slipped on her pants from yesterday. Not bothering to take the big T-shirt off, she walked back in the living room and put her jacket on. She looked around outside her door for a bit before she located Dana’s “hidden” spare key on top of the door frame. She made a note to tell Dana about how easy it was to find. She locked the front door and made the short walk to the bar. Her thoughts kept wandering back to Dana. How had this woman changed so much in such a short amount of time? she thought.

She got into her car as she tried to answer the question posed. All she knew was that this woman who she knew so little about, who knew so little about her, showed her more love than she had felt in the last decade combined. Her eyes watered and she put her head on the steering wheel. She was not proud of the fact that her life was not surrounded by love and laughter and she had wanted to change that for so long but didn't know how. For the first time, she actually felt like it was possible. The devil's advocate in her asked Is this progression or regression. She had been running from intimacy for so long, although she had desperately wanted it. Was she setting herself up for failure? Was she opening herself up to the very pain she had been avoiding? She pushed those thoughts away from her mind deciding to push through her fears and focus on the positive feelings she had experienced in the last 12 hours. She had opened up, yes. She had made herself vulnerable. But she had also been able to walk barefoot with her legs exposed without wanting to die or kill the person she was exposed to. She had not been able to do that since she was a child and she was extremely grateful.

She decided she wanted to show Dana how much she had appreciated what she had done for her last night. Feeling her stomach growl, she thought of giving Dana breakfast in bed, thinking that in the few cheesy romcoms she had seen, this was always seen in a positive light. She drove to her favorite coffee shop and stepped inside. Realizing she didn't know how Dana liked her coffee nor what she liked to eat for breakfast or any meal for that matter, thought of what to do and pulled out her phone. 

“Who are you and what do you want?” James answered, his annoyance quite evident. 

“James? It’s Stella...” James sat up in his bed and cursed. He looked at his very naked partner, who was still asleep. He quietly left the room.

“Sorry, love I was sleeping. How can I be of service?” he said.

“I need your help,” Stella said after a deep breath. She wasn't too keen on asking others for help even when she really needed. 

“Oh?” James said, getting nervous. He knew Stella and her stubbornness when it came to asking for help. He silently prayed that she wasn't injured. 

“What does Dana usually eat for breakfast?” James smirked and decided to have a bit of fun. 

“Why do you want to know?” He said a bit cockily. He knew that this would get on her nerves but he couldn't help himself.

“Don't be fucking cute James, just tell me what she likes,” she said frustrated and James laughed. 

“Okay, okay. She normally eat this like yogurt and granola parfait thing but I know that her guilty pleasure is butter pecan cream cheese on a plain bagel”

“Butter pecan cream cheese?” Stella repeated with a hint of skepticism. 

“Don't ask me. It really is the truth,” he said. 

“Right, and what about her coffee?

“Black with two sugars, same as you last I checked,” he said with a smile. 

“Okay, thanks, James,” she said and quickly hung up the phone before James could ask a billion questions. 

She ordered Dana’s bagel, surprised that the man behind the counter knew what the hell she was talking about, as well as hers. She ordered the two coffees as well. When it was ready, she paid and walked the food back to her car. Once she was settled she thought about last night again and looked down at the food, feeling it wasn’t enough. She thought about what else she could do, but couldn't think of anything that didn't seem over the top or that she could grab quickly before the coffee got cold. 

She headed back to Dana’s, reminding herself to grab her charger on the way out. Using the spare key she struggled to open the door and carry the food all in one go but she made it eventually, only spilling a tiny bit of the coffee on her jacket. Once inside, she set the food on the counter and shed herself of her coat, heels, and pants. She went to the living room and plugged in her phone. Walking barefoot in nothing but the large t shirt, she grabbed the food from the counter and made her way to Dana’s room before setting it on the bedside table on the opposite side of where Dana was. Dana was still sleeping and still had the makeup on, making Stella slightly annoyed again. She looked so peaceful and Stella almost felt bad for what she was about to do. She looked around the room, searching, until she found what she was looking for on Dana’s dresser. She got into the bed on her side and scooted over until she was close enough to kiss Dana. She placed gentle, small pecks along Dana’s jaw, then her cheeks, and finally around her mouth. When Dana didn't stir, Stella moved on top of her, placing a leg on either side of Dana’s hips. She bent down and kissed her fully on her mouth. After a few moments, she heard Dana moan and open her eyes. Stella pushed a bit of hair out of her face.

“Goodmorning,” Stella said hovering over her face. “I want to do something” she said, her voice shaking a little. She was nervous. She didn't do intimate well but she wanted to do this and hoped Dana would understand and not laugh at her. 

Dana was still a bit disoriented from sleep and looked at Stella confused. Stella sat up and took a deep breath. She reached for the makeup remover wipes she took from Dana’s dresser and pulled one out. She moved the wipe to her eyelids, waiting until Dana closed her eyes. She gently wiped the eye makeup from her face, her hands shaking at first, but quickly gaining confidence when Dana didn't pull away. Stella knew it would take a while to get all of the makeup off with how gentle she was being but she couldn't risk hurting Dana. Once Dana was makeup free, Stella sat up again and looked at Dana fully. 

“You are so beautiful,” Stella said and she kissed Dana quickly. “I brought breakfast,” Stella said. She was still nervous, which is why she kept rushing from thing to thing, unknowingly not letting Dana speak or respond. She got up rather quickly, almost making Dana fall off the bed, and started to crawl over to the other side to get the food. 

Dana looked at Stella thoroughly confused. In the ten minutes she had been up, Stella had woken her up with kisses, cleaned the makeup off her face and now was about to fed her. She felt like a small child. She wasn't used to being looked after like this but it didn't make her uneasy, just a bit perplexed. This was all just so fast. 

“Slow down, Stella....” Dana said softly as she reached out to touch Stella’s arms. She gave Stella a soft smile.

“Sorry, sorry,” Stella said and put her face in her hands. Dana pull led Stella's head up, waiting for Stella to meet her eyes. Stella sighed; she wanted to give Dana the perfect morning and she felt like she had failed somehow. Dana moved closer to Stella giving her a hug before saying “Good morning”.

Stella smiled. “Good morning,”she said. 

“You brought breakfast?” Dana reminded her and Stella smiled bigger. She happily grabbed the bagels, handing one to Dana and then passed her one of the coffees. Dana took a bit of the bagel and her head snapped up in shock.

“How did you--”

“James,” Stella said with a smile and thanked her lucky stars that she had called him. The look on Dana’s face was worth asking someone for help. Something told her she would do a lot for the woman sitting in front of her. 

“It’s my favorite,” she said and took another bite. “Whenever I eat this I'm reminded of a trip my family took when I was 8 or 9.”

“Where did you go?”

“New York City. There was this huge bagel shop with tons of different flavors of cream cheese. My brother, Bill, had made fun of me when I said I wanted to try all of the flavors. I got through about 6 or 7 before I found this gem. Since then, I have always kept one in my fridge, indulging in it whenever I felt the need. I even made my mother buy it when I was little,” Dana said. 

“When James first said it I thought he had made it up,” Stella said with a chuckle.

“Believe me, it is very real and quite possibly the reason why I live,” Dana joked. 

“You said you had a brother? Is he your only sibling?” Stella asked before taking another bite of her bagel. 

“No there were four of us, now there are three. There's Bill, he's the oldest, and Charlie he's the youngest and then Melissa, who passed a long time ago, but was older than me”

“I’m sorry about your sister,” Stella said. She was curious as to how she died but didn't want to pry. 

“Like I said, it was a long time ago,” Dana said and took another bite of her bagel. “Do you have any siblings?” 

“None that I know,” she said. It was a half truth and Dana saw there was more to that story but decided not to push. Stella was grateful Dana hadn't asked more on that subject as it was one she had a hard time talking about. 

They finished their breakfast in comfortable silence, with Dana giving the occasional sound of appreciation at the bagel and when she tasted the coffee. Each sound made Stella feel like she was on cloud nine. She had brought Dana a little slice of happiness and felt proud of herself. It hadn't been what she had in mind but it turned out to be perfect in its own way. 

When they finished Dana got up and walked to the bathroom connected to her bedroom, not bothering to close the door. Stella cleaned up their mess, putting the wrappers and paper cups in the kitchen garbage can. She walked back to Dana and found her brushing her teeth. Stella stood in the doorway and smiled at Dana. She was brushing her teeth is small circles just like they tell you at the dentist, very focused on the task at hand, and Stella thought it was the cutest thing in the universe. She came behind Dana and put her arms around her waist. She was shocked at how easy it seemed to be with Dana. She had felt comfortable enough to take a risk and was extremely content in this moment. This was nothing like the awkward morning afters that she had experienced in the past. She rested her head on Dana’s shoulder after Dana had rinsed her mouth and they looked at one another through the mirror. Dana turned around in her embrace and pulled the slightly taller woman to her body. They stood like this for a moment before Dana said that she should take a shower. 

Stella stepped out to give her some privacy as she went to check her emails on her plugged in phone. Her inbox was filled with junk mail, not really having people to check on her or tell her that she was missed at the office. She was about to look through her messages when she heard the shower stop.

“Stella?” Dana called and Stella walking into her bedroom.

“Here, go shower,” Dana said and she handed her a fresh towel and washcloth neatly folded with a spare toothbrush on top. Stella took it, thanked her. She took her time showering, inhaling deeply ever so often at the smell of Dana’s fig scented body wash and her tea tree oil shampoo and conditioner. When Stella exited the bathroom, she found the bed made up with a bottle of lotion and hair-band on top and an outfit to the side. There was a Victoria Secrets sports bra on the bed and a matching pair of boy short underwear that still had the tags on it. Stella herself was more a La Perla girl but she noted that Dana prefered Victoria Secret. Stella lotioned her body, smiling when she realized that her body-wash matched her lotion. She put the clothes on and was shocked that they seemed to be her size exactly. She looked down at the foot of the bed and found a pair of black socks. She left them on the bed, tied her hair up into a messy bun and went to the living room. 

She found Dana sitting on the couch with her laptop on her lap, her hair in a messy bun, and her glasses on. She stood there and stared for a moment before joining her on the couch. Dana looked up. 

“Hi,” she said as she closed her laptop. 

“Hi,” Stella said. 

“Any plans for today?” she asked and Stella shook her head no. 

Then, before she lost the courage, she said “actually, I wanted to take you somewhere. That is if that's something you're interested in.” Dana looked at her. She didn't want to let Stella go just yet and was happy that Stella had offered something for them to do that would prolong their time together. 

“Where?” Dana asked, but Stella shook her head. She wanted to bring Dana to a place that was special to her but didn't want to say the place just in case she chickened out later and changed the location. She wanted to spend more time with Dana but she wasn't positive she wanted to share everything about her in one go. She felt that there was not much to her and worried that Dana would lose interest. She also wanted to keep some things for later in order to have more excuses to talk to her and see her and know her and.... 

“When were you thinking?” Dana asked pulling Stella from her thoughts. Dana was slightly annoyed that she had not answered the question, but she figured she would ask later and get her answer then. She tried to muffle the uneasy feeling she got every time she didn't know something other people did.

“Whenever you want” 

“Hmm. Maybe after our hair dries a little more?” Dana suggested and Stella agreed. They took their hair down to allow it to dry faster. Dana stood up and went to the closet in the hallway. Stella noticed that they were almost wearing the same outfit, black joggers with a black tank top but Stella’s joggers had a white streak down the side and Dana’s had a gray one. Stella laughed at how prepared Dana was for anything that had been thrown her way, wondering how she did it. Dana came back with a large fuzzy blanket. She sat on the couch crossed legged. 

“How are you so prepared for everything?” Stella asked and Dana looked at her.

“What do you mean?”

“The new underwear, the spare toothbrush...”

“Well, you are wearing my clothes and I bought those underclothes at the last semi-annual sale. And who doesn't have a spare toothbrush at their house?” Dana said.

Stella laughed. “I don't,” she said and she laughed again making Dana join in. 

“Do you want to watch tv?” she asked

“Not particularly,” Stella said and she leaned further into the couch. 

“Tell me something about yourself,” Dana said. 

“What do you want to know?” Stella asked.

“I don't know... tell me what you like, what some of your favorite things are” Dana suggested. Stella thought for a minute.

“Well, I like hamburgers a lot. I can always go for a burger. My drink of choice is whiskey. My favorite color is either a creamy peach color or burgundy, I fluctuate between the two.” She thought a little more and couldn't figure out more to say.

“What’s a feeling you love?” Dana said and she leaned over to lay her head in Stella’s lap.

“Mmm, I have hundreds. I love the feeling of my body submerged in water; I love to swim. I also love the feeling of the sun on my skin... You’re turn,” Stella ran her fingers through Dana’s thick red hair.

“I love love love butter pecan cream cheese,” Dana started

“You don't say,” Stella joked and Dana laughed.

“I don't really drink, but when I do, it’s usually wine.”

“White or red?”

“Red. My favorite color is blue, which is why my bathroom is 50 shades of blue. I love the feeling of warm bubble baths and I run.” 

Stella smiled. She had noticed the difference between her guest bathroom and her private one immediately. The guest one was set up pretty with many colors like her living room and dining room. Her private bathroom was a bit more her, and only featured one color. After a few minutes, Dana grabbed the remote and turned it to the music choice channel. She put some jazz on a low volume and relished in the feeling of Stella’s fingers in her hair. She thought about the last time things felt like this. With Mulder, things were... different. He was always so engulfed in whatever he was doing; he had endless dedication and she admired that. They were always chasing after the next thing, trying to uncover the truth, but after more than a decade, she was tired of it. She had told him as much and they had tried to settle down, but that was when all things went to hell. She started to tear up a bit. She had not healed, had not fully forgiven him and she hated herself for being weak, for not having the strength to forgive, especially because he was out of her life and had been for the last two years. She thought about how different they were. Stella seemed driven and smart like Mulder, but she seemed to be able to notice her needs and attend to them. She didn't strike her as someone who needed protection and protection seemed to be a constant offering with Mulder because work and pleasure had been mixed. A dangerous job and a dedicated romantic relationship seemed to not go together. She willed herself to stay in the present. Mulder wasn’t here, Stella was, and the feeling of Stella’s fingers playing with her hair mixed with the sound the soft jazz was lulling her to sleep. She tried to fight it but before she knew it, she had fallen into a soft slumber.

Stella was lost in thought trying to commit these things to memory. She chuckled at how different they were. Stella hated baths and running. She smiled as she looked down at the woman falling asleep in her lap. When she woke up yesterday, she would have never thought that this would be her the following morning. She felt better around Dana. A bit more whole, more alive and definitely less lonely. She just hoped that she would be enough for Dana. Dana was more than enough for her already and they had just met. She wasn't used to this and really didn't want to fuck it up. She had a feeling that this didn't happen often. She knew that time was irrelevant to the feelings you get around someone cognitively, she had learned it in her psych courses, however, she had really never been sold on the love at first sight thing. Is that what this is? Stella asked herself. Is this love? She was scared to answer that question and she turned her attention back to Dana, who was sleeping on her lap. She bent down and kissed her hair and laid back. 

She looked at the sleeping woman and realized that this was one of the few times that she had not wanted sex and would not have been into it if a hot guy called for a booty call. 

“I don't know why, but I feel incredibly connected to you. I had felt it from the moment I laid eyes on you. So...” Stella was whispering to a very sleeping Dana. “I’m going to try this thing out. I’m going to go with it and try my hardest.” 

“Please don't let this turn out badly,” she said after a while, emotionally charged. She was talking more to a higher being than Dana. “I don't think I would survive.” She grabbed the blanket and pulled it over Dana and herself, careful not to cover her face. She tilted her head back and looked at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and fell asleep, feeling comfortable enough to do so in this tiny stranger's house.   
**  
Dana woke up to the sound of her phone ringing. She got up gently and went to grab the phone.

“Scully,” she answered, still not having shaken the habit. She could hear the heavy breathing on the phone but no words came. 

“Hello?” she said and heard the line disconnect. Annoyed she took the phone from her ear and sat it on the counter. Her stomach growled and she looked in her fridge for something to eat. The chicken alfredo was still in there and, not wanting it to go to waste she grabbed the container. She didn't notice that Stella had woken up and was standing in the doorway, so when she looked up she jumped, spilling the leftovers on the kitchen floor.

“Jesus, Stella. You scared the shit out of me,” Dana said to Stella, who was laughing so hard that her eyes brimmed with tears. She bent over and put her hand over her mouth. “It’s not funny,” Dana said.

“Sorry, sorry,” she said and bent down to help clean up the mess. “Do you want to go out now?” Stella asked once the mess had been cleaned up. Dana nodded and Stella’s face brightened. 

“Where are we going?” Dana asked again but Stella said nothing. Dana was getting frustrated at this point, almost to the point of anger. She knew she was overreacting and tried her best to conceal it. Stella wasn't to blame for her current state, not really. Her past experiences had made her this way. Stella noticed that Dana was annoyed when she rolled her eyes but she didn't think it was a big deal. It was kind of cute.

Dana grabbed her sneakers and looked at Stella, realizing she only had heels here. “What size shoe do you wear?”

“38 or 38.5,” Stella said and Dana nodded, it was the same size as her, just as she suspected. She handed Stella her black converses and put on her gray ones. They shut off the lights, put their jackets on and headed to Stella’s car. They got into her car and Dana wondered where they were going again but didn't ask thinking Stella would just ignore her again. She was getting antsier and antsier by the minute and Stella could see it. She tried her best to keep herself from laughing. The place they were going wasn’t particularly close and she wondered when Dana would finally ask where they were going. 

“Stella, I want to tell you something about myself...” Dana started.

“What?” Stella said. 

“I hate surprises. I hate being kept in the dark.” And Stella chuckled a little. 

“I know,” she said and smirked. When Dana didn't say anything back, Stella turned her head and looked at her, realizing that something had shifted. She pulled over and turned the car off. Dana still didn't say anything and was staring out the window. She had noticed they had stopped but she was absorbed in the emotions she was feeling. She was angry, really angry, but she tried to remain calm and not let Stella know just how upset she was. It was too late now. Her anger shocked her. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this mad and tried to figure out why. 

Stella didn't know what had happened. She thought they were having a good time and she was just playing with Dana. She had not meant to hurt her. She didn't realize that withholding that information would cause Dana to be so upset. Stella looked down at her hands. I knew you would fuck it up, a voice in Stella’s head said. Her eyes began to fill with tears. She felt her time was up, her little shrivel of happiness shattered. She thought about what to do and she turned the car back on and drove back to Dana’s place, blinking her tears back. Why didn't she just tell her she was conflicted about the location? Why didn't she tell her that she had just said that to ensure they would have a bit more time together? She parked the car and turned her attention back to her hands. 

“I’m sorry,” Stella said and Dana turned to look at her. She was so engrossed in the conversation in her head that she had not realized they were back at her house. Stella’s words had broken her trance. She looked at Stella who still had tears in her eyes and she immediately felt guilty. She had taken it too far. She wanted Stella to know that she was annoyed but once she gave into those feelings it had consumed her. Stella was still looking at her hands and Dana reached out to touch her. Stella flinched. 

“Hey, look at me,” Dana said and Stella did.

“Aren't we going somewhere? Why are we back at my place?” Dana asked softly, trying to lighten the mood a bit but Stella looked back at her hands. She was confused now. Didn't Dana hate her just a second ago?

“You still want to go?” Stella said and realization showed on Dana’s face. She thought that this was over, that she didn't like her or want her anymore. Dana nodded her head.

“I still want to go,” Dana said. Stella looked at Dana, the confusion on her face appeared and Dana sighed as she went to explain herself. She struggled to put the words in a logical order.

“When I was in the FBI, I had a partner. He is the most dedicated person I have ever met and was so passionate about his work, which our cases revolved around. His passion was both good and bad. We were partners for 7 years before our relationship became sexual and eventually romantic. While working together, he would always go ahead and do something without consulting me, making him get into various dangerous predicaments that I often times would have to get him out of. I was left in the dark more times than I can count, which kept me feeling like a person looking in at his life as opposed to someone in his life, someone he went through life with. It also made me feel like he didn't trust me. I’ve built up a pretty big grudge against being left in the dark, especially because of the danger that became associated with it. His evasiveness, of course, bled into our relationship and.. well. Let's just say I don't like being kept in the dark, so when I felt like it was happening again, I felt like I was back with him, back in a part of my life that I never want to go to again. I took out my frustrations from my past relationship out on you and I’m so sorry for that. You didn't deserve that. I wanted to go with you. I want to spend time with you and I'm sorry for ruining the moment, but it was just that, a moment. This isn't over, not for me,” Dana said. 

Stella listened carefully and took a minute to digest what Dana had said once she finished. She understood misplaced anger. She might even be the expert on the subject. She looked at Dana and saw how sorry she was. She turned in her chair a little, placing her hand on her cheek and leaned forward. She whispered, “It's okay” before kissing her softly on her lips. Dana kissed her back and Stella put her tongue between her lips seeking entrance. Dana opened her mouth and moaned into Stella’s. She put one of her hands on the back of Stella’s neck, pulling her closer. Their lips battled like this until Stella pulled back to catch her breath. 

“Let’s go upstairs,” Dana said.


	5. New Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s go upstairs,” Dana said against Stella’s lips before kissing her briefly and exiting the car. They made their way back to Dana’s apartment, Dana walking in front. She looked for her keys as she stood in front of the door and Stella moved forward to press her lips to Dana’s neck. She bit down softly and Dana moaned, fumbling to get the key in the keyhole. She finally opened the door walked through, turning around sharply to look at Stella. Stella closed the door behind her and Dana pushed her flush against the wall. She felt Stella’s nipples through the sports bra and tank top and Dana went into sensory overload. Stella closed the distance between their lips, breathing in Dana’s scent. Dana opened her mouth and the kiss deepened. Dana’s hand moved to the back of Stella’s neck as she tried to pull her closer. Dana could still taste the Colgate toothpaste Stella had used during her shower as well as something Dana had a hard time putting into words. It wasn't sweet but it wasn't tangy either, nor was it bitter. Dana could only describe it as Stella and she briefly thought that butter pecan cream cheese might have some competition.

Stella didn't know what to do with her hands. She was getting lost in the kiss, consumed by the taste of Dana’s mouth and the feeling of her petite body against her own. Her hands roamed all over her body before going to her ass. Stella squeezed it and Dana moaned into Stella’s mouth, causing Stella’s insides to heat up. Their kiss continued slow and deep and sensual, neither women wanting it to end until the sound of Stella’s phone ringing brought their attention back to the present. 

“Shit,” Dana said and Stella moved to grab her phone.

“Gibson,” Stella said a little out of breath. 

“Stella?”

“Jim, what do you want?” Her eyes were following Dana as she went to the kitchen. 

“We have to talk through some of the events surrounding operation Music Man,” Jim Burns said slowly and Stella groaned.

“Does it have to be now?” Stella said, bringing her thumb to her mouth. She didn't want to talk about Paul Spector anymore. She was done with that situation and wanted other people to move on as well. Unfortunately, Jim’s hearing was coming up on Monday.

“Yes, dammit. They asked if I had any control over you, I told you this and look at the mess we have. Your punishment was already decided but mine has yet to be determined”

“Right, hold on a second.” Stella walked into the kitchen and told Dana she had to take this and that it could be a while. Dana nodded and showed Stella to her guest room.

Dana closed the door behind her as she went back to the kitchen. She was still hungry and wanted to get something to eat. She looked around her kitchen, not finding anything appetizing. After a bit, she decided to order in and thought of what to get. She knew Stella liked burgers but she didn't know what she liked on them or if she had any allergies. You can't go wrong with pizza, Dana thought and she ordered a cheese pizza with spinach on 1/2 just in case Stella didn't want any. She grabbed her keys and put on her jacket. There was a liquor store around the corner. She went and grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of red wine before quickly making her way back to the house. It was times like these that she appreciated her move to a city. The house where Mulder and she had lived was so far from everything that she could have never had these spontaneous meals or alcohol runs. It didn't make sense to make the 45-minute drive just to get a bottle of alcohol or fast food, plus Mulder never allowed them to order to the house anyway after the whole “vampire” incident. 

Once she was back inside she sat the alcohol on the counter and looked at her watch. The pizza was due in 15 minutes and Stella was still on the phone. She took some money out of her wallet and brought it with her as she went over to lay on the Lovesac. Dana had always loved this comfortable bean bag but had never had the opportunity to buy one that she would actually use before she moved to London. She pulled her yellow throw over her body and scrolled through her phone, looking to pass the time. The doorbell rang a few minutes later and Dana went and grabbed the food, tipped the young man and placed the pizza box on the ledge between the kitchen and the dining room. She thought about how the day had progressed and still felt a bit ashamed of her behavior, but decided not to sweat it because it was over and Stella was still here. She picked up two wine glasses and brought it to the table before setting two white plates down. 

“Sorry about that,” Stella said and walked over to Dana. She put her arm around Dana’s waist and her head on her shoulder like she did this morning. They stayed in the position for a moment, simply enjoying the feeling of another person's body against their own. Stella’s hands moved to Dana’s hips and turned her around. 

“Hi,” Stella said.

“Hi,” Dana said back. It had become their thing. A tiny reminder of that moment in the bar. “I hope you like Pizza,” Dana said and Stella smiled. Who doesn't like pizza?

**

It was around 21:00 and Dana was drunk. She was laughing at almost everything Stella said and Stella loved it. She looked at Dana in amusement. She had only had a little over two glasses of wine but she was gone. Stella was a bit drunk herself, having had quite a bit of whiskey. 

“So let me get this straight,” Dana said. “He begged you to lick his ear. Like on his knees?” 

“It was quite a sight. You would be surprised at some of the things people have wanted over the years.” 

“What was your reaction?”

“What do you mean? I got up and left.”

“Just like that. No explanation?”

“There was no need. I never planned to see him again and I definitely didn't need to explain myself to him. If anything he should be the one explaining. Who the fuck wants to taste earwax?” Stella said in disgust and Dana laughed again.  
“I’m telling you. I have seen some weird shit,” she said as she looked in her glass and then finished the remaining alcohol in the glass. When she looked back up, the look in Dana’s eyes made her mouth go dry. Oh Fuck, she thought and she put her glass down. Keep it together, Stella said. She didn't want to do anything Dana might not be comfortable with and the thoughts she was having involved her fucking the shit out of the pretty woman in front of her. She tried to convince herself that she was still in control, that she had the ability to hold back but after a few moments of staring into Dana’s dilated pupils all thoughts seemed to seize. 

Dana crawled her way over to Stella, swaying her hips seductively due to the liquid courage. Stella gulped audibly. Dana crawled onto Dana’s lap, straddling her on the blanket they had laid down when the opted to sit in the living room instead of the dining room. She brought her face close to Stella’s but stopped just before their lips could meet. Stella could feel Dana’s hot wine scented breath and her heart quickened. She tried to move forward and kiss Dana, but Dana moved her lips to Stella’s cheek. Working her way up, she kissed Stella all along the left side of Stella’s face. Stella’s eyes closed and her lips parted. Dana worked her way back down until she was kissing Stella’s neck causing Stella to gasp when she bites her pulse point. Stella grabbed Dana’s ass and began to knead it causing Dana to moan into her neck.   
“Mmm, Dana, what are you doing to me?” she whispered. Dana answered by sitting straight up and grabbing both sides of Stella’s face. She kissed Stella, keeping her eyes open to watch her. Stella’s bright blue eyes were almost entirely black and the sight made Dana’s underwear dampen. Stella moved her hands to under Dana’s shirt and pulled it over her head. She started rolling Dana’s nipples between her fingers and Dana moved her lips to her temples, placing open mouth kisses there. 

Stella’s hands moved further down and she felt Dana’s stomach clench. She moved her fingers to the waist band of her joggers.

“Is this what you want?” Stella said into her ear, playing with the band. But Dana was so caught up in her anticipation that she could only let out a small sound.

“Come on, Dana, use your words,” Stella said. “Is this what you want?” Stella said, untying the pants.

Much to Stella’s surprise Dana took her arms from around Stella and stood up. Never taking her eyes off of her, She removed her bra, pants, and underwear before returning to her earlier position. She put her lips to Stella’s ear. 

“Would you stop fucking asking me questions and fuck me?” Dana said and Stella’s mouth watered. 

“Are you sure?” she said and Dana wrapped her arms around Stella and bit her ear before saying yes. Stella pushed a finger in between Stella’s folds. She rubbed her clit a few times before spreading her pussy with two fingers. She was so wet that Stella’s fingers were making noises already. She inserted the two fingers into Dana’s tight hole and started pumping in and out slowly. 

“Oh, shit,” Dana said and bit on Stella’s neck. Stella curled her fingers up and Dana moaned loudly and began rocking her hips, fucking Stella’s fingers. Stella moved her thumb up to her clit and pressed gently and Dana gasped and kissed Stella. The kiss was unexpected and momentarily cause them to lose their rhythm. Dana stuck her tongue out and Stella moaned in her mouth. 

“Harder,” Dana said against her lips before biting her lower lip and Stella jack hammered into her pussy causing Dana’s breath to hitch and her grip on Stella to tighten. Her walls began to clamp around Stella’s hands and Stella knew she was close. She moved her hand so that her palm was rubbing against her clit and she felt Dana’s body stiffen before shaking violently. Stella didn't stop her fingers and kept up the rapid pace bringing Dana to another orgasm. She pulled her fingers out of Dana and Dana’s body went limp. 

Stella stroked her back until Dana came back to her senses. She lifted her head off of Dana’s shoulder and looked at her. Stella’s eyes were full of desire and Dana felt herself get aroused all over again. She kissed her freckled face, pushing her blonde locks out of the way. Stella felt a stir in her lower belly. Dana gently put her hands on Stella’s shoulders and pushed her down to the floor. She leaned down and kiss Stella fiercely causing Stella to moan into her mouth and move her hands to Dana’s tits. Dana tugged on Stella’s shirt and Stella helped her to take it off. Dana unclasped her bra and freed Stella’s breast. Stella gasped at the sudden cold air on her nipples and moaned when the cold was replaced by Dana’s warm mouth. Dana sucked and bit and licked Stella’s nipples until she had Stella squirming beneath her, chest heaving. Dana got up a little and moved her hands to Stella’s pants, waiting for the green light. 

“I trust you,” Stella whispered and Dana removed her pants and underwear quickly. She took a moment to look at the woman before her. Completely naked, she was a sight to behold and Dana was momentarily transfixed. Stella moved her hands to Dana’s legs and whispered, please. Dana bent back down, this time crouching in front of her instead of straddling her. She pushed Stella’s legs up so that her knees were bent. Stella opened her legs, giving Dana a view that made her mouth water. She couldn't resist the urge to kiss her pussy and Stella’s hips shot up at the contact. Dana flattened her tongue and gave her a slow long lick from the bottom up. Once she reached her clit, she put the small bud in her mouth and sucked gently. 

“God yes” Stella said and Dana entered two fingers into her soaked pussy. She curled her fingers up and started stroking her. Stella was a slowly coming apart. She was so close and Dana knew it but was torturing her with this agonizingly slow speed. She tried to thrust her hips to meet Dana’s fingers but she put a hand over her belly to still her movements. She continued the slow and steady pace but sucked harder on Stella’s clit, making Stella’s walls clamp around her fingers. She picked up the pace and Stella came, loudly, saying her name. 

“You're driving me crazy,” Dana said and she got up and held out a hand for Stella to grab. Stella wanted to tell her that she felt the same way but was much too tired and relaxed to form words. They trotted back to Dana’s bed and were fast asleep soon after.


	6. Retraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It had been three weeks since Dana last saw Stella. Three fucking weeks and Dana couldn't get the woman out of her head. The woman was everywhere. On the couch where they made out, her bed where she woke up to breakfast and kisses, her pajamas, undergarments, and loungewear that she had let Stella use. Her thermos where she had poured her tea. Her cream cheese. Her hair and shower products that she had smelled on Stella when they fucked. Her towels that Stella had used to shower. The living room floor... She was fucking everywhere making it impossible to escape her while at home.

She tried to remind herself that one night stands happened all the time. She herself had had her fair share of them but Stella was different. She couldn't tell if it was her that had been foolish, letting herself get attached to a stranger who owed her nothing, or if something had actually happened, if a connection had actually occurred that was not a result of prolonged isolation. She had felt something. Like she was less alone, less guarded and a bit protected. Like she existed to someone else. Now she felt exposed and stupid and she hated it. She looked at her papers on her desk and tried to keep her mind busy but she kept replaying that Sunday morning over and over in her head, the morning that left a hole in her life. Her eyes welled with tears and she put her head in her hands, silently praying that God would give her the strength to move on or bring her back.

_Sunday Morning; Dana’s POV_

_Dana laid in bed and felt her sensed slowly come back to her, the events of last night playing in her mind. She turned and faced the woman that had pleasured her hours ago and smiled. She wanted to wake her and thank her. I just 36 hours, this tiny blonde had made her feel something she had not felt in two years: seen. She had paid attention to her like no one else had ever before. She remembered Stella’s intense gaze and hungry eyes as she looked over her body. Her eyes on her as she moaned and cried out her pleasures. Her arms around her as she shook into another world, twice. She smiled and went to get out of bed and saw the alarm clock read 05:30. She quietly put her workout clothes and Nike sneakers on. She walked into the kitchen, put a pot of tea on, and waited until the water boiled. Once finished she took out her thermos and poured the water inside with a tea bag. She went back into the bedroom and placed it on the bedside table along with a note telling her she was going for a run._

_She hit the streets then, hoping to get a good workout in before the day fully started. Her mind wandered to Stella again and she felt a bit overwhelmed. She had kept to herself in London, never going really entertaining sexual relationships and friendships of any kind. It wasn't that she didn't want to, she did. She just felt she had a lot of personal things to work out before she got into a relationship of any sort. Mulder had tainted her view on relationships. She found herself looking for him in both friends and romantic interests, having only had him as a source of companionship for so many years._

_She thought about how Stella and Mulder were so different. Stella was different. Her past relationships, all 3 of them had such different beginnings. Her relationship with her professor in medical school had been very deep, her thinking about spending the rest of her life with him, but it was slow. It had started as intellectual admiration, then friendship and eventually into a romantic relationship. It had been gradual. In the academy, her relationship with Jack had also been gradual. Her relationship with Mulder, of course, was the icing on the cake in this department with the friend period being a whopping 7 years before budding out of the platonic zone. Even then it was at least a year before hard feelings became apparent to her. With Stella, her relationship had gone through these stages in a matter of hours. She felt the same type of feelings that it had previously taken her at least a year to form and even longer to acknowledge. Here she was doing both. It wasn't like she was in love with her necessarily. It was the fact that she was thinking about having a relationship with someone she just met and that scared her a bit. Am I jumping in too fast? she thought._  
_Do I really want a relationship?_

_Her little experience with relationships mixed with her total lack of experience dating a woman peaked her curiosity of Stella even further. Sex was easy. Though she had never had sex with a woman before last night, it_ wasn't rocket _science; She was a medical doctor after all and had a vagina. Did relationships work the same way with men and women? Dana had her ideas but didn't want to go into anything with preconceived notions, so she refrained from her urge to research the matter._

_She reminded herself that she just met Stella and these thoughts were incredibly premature. She made her way back to her flat, having seen that she had been running for over an hour lost in thoughts. She let herself in and immediately felt gross. She had sweat dripping down her back and her hair was stuck to her forehead. She walked to the bathroom attached to her bedroom, stripping along the way. She forgot that Stella was still in the house and jumped when she saw her._

_“Jesus, you scared me. I’m going to shower really quick,” Dana said, hoping she didn't look as disgusting as she felt._

_“Ok,” Stella said, giving a strange smile. Dana momentarily wondered what was on her mind, but her need to feel decent outweighed her curiosity. She took her time showering, washing everything at least three times in order to get any unpleasant odor off of her body. She washed and conditioned her hair and threw it up in a bun before throwing on her robe. She looked in the mirror and smiled when she saw she didn't look horrible anymore._

_“Now that I don't look disgusting, good morn—,” she stopped talking when she saw that Stella was gone. She looked around the house, leaving her bedroom and check for any remnants of the woman that was there just a second ago. She looked out the window, but her car was already gone. She sat on her Lovesac and felt the tears fall. Her happiness bubble had burst and she was alone again._  
  


She lifted her head from her hands after a few minutes and told herself to get a grip. She had a class to teach. She wiped her face with her hands, fixed her makeup pulled her jacket a bit tighter before squaring her shoulders and getting ready for her lecture. It was time to move on. Time for her to get the message. Stella didn't feel the same way and didn't owe her anything.

**

Stella had returned to work 2 weeks ago and had been assigned to a new case. She had finally finished the last of the paper work from Operation Music Man. She had buried herself in it; it had offered a welcomed distraction. Stella’s mind had wandered to Dana constantly, which made her extremely uncomfortable. She didn't do this, and although she had let go and given into vulnerability, she still wasn't that person. She used swimming and work to cope. She had worked tirelessly for the past two weeks, making the paperwork that was expected to take at least 4 weeks be cut in half. The Met had no choice but to reinstate her as her qualifications and experience were too valuable to waste, especially because a suspected serial offender had started playing in North London. She wouldn't be able to take lead, nor call any shots. She was there for insight and guidance only. She stared at the board filled with the information the currently known about the victims.

“Any ideas, ma’am,” Detective Brink asked and Stella shook her head no.

“You should go home for the day. There’s nothing more we can do tonight. That is unless the killer waltzes his or her self into here and confessed,” he said and Stella nodded. She grabbed her things, got into the car, and planned to go to the pool, when she felt her chest tighten. She drove to her flat, which, luckily, was just around the corner. She got out of her car and practically flew into her apartment. It was happening again and Stella reached for her phone, calling her psychiatrist, Bedelia Du Maurier.

**

Dana was sitting at home with a cup of tea in one hand and her phone in the other. James had promised that he would call her later and she was waiting. Her phone rang and she picked it up on the first ring.

“James,”

“Are you okay? I’ve never seen you like that,” he said concerned. They had met up for their lunch today, Tuesday, and she had barely touched her food and never looked in his eyes. She had to excuse herself as she left early with tears in her eyes.

“I think I am losing my mind” Dana had not told James about what happened that weekend, leaving it up to his imagination.

“What happened?”

“Do you remember the woman from the bar that you set me up with?” Dana remembered her name but wanted to weaken the perceived importance of this lady in her life.

“Stella?”

“Yeah. We ended up becoming intimate and then she left. I guess I'm having a hard time processing and accepting the one night stand. I got far too attached.” Dana’s eyes were filling with tears and James didn't know what to do. He knew this was a possibility, knowing Stella but he had hoped that Stella would take a risk. “I don't know what I’m going to do James,” she said and they sat in silence for a long time, neither knowing what to say.

“I think it is a time thing,” he said after a bit. “It will get better. I know it”

**

“Well look who we have here —,” Bedelia started but quickly stopped once she saw the look on Stella’s face. “Breathe, darling. Deep breaths. In 1 2 3 out 1 2 3 4,” she said until Stella returned to normal.

“What happened?” Bedelia said, concerned.

“I don't know,” Stella said slowly, knowing Bedelia wouldn't take that for an answer. Bedelia had treated many patients over the years, but none were quite like Stella. She had been a recommendation from the psychiatrist who had trained her, Alice. Alice had treated Stella most of her life only stopping when she became too sick to practice. She died short after. That was 8 years ago and Bedelia had treated Stella ever since. Though she had never seen her scars, she had suspected that she had self-harmed at some point in her life. She knew what her father’s death had done to her and the terrible predicaments Stella had found herself in in desperate attempts to numb the pain. She knew about her casual sexual encounters and knew better than to attribute it a particular event, knowing that a horrible event did not have to occur in order for a woman to enjoy casual sex. She had kept in contact while Stella was in Belfast and knew the events surrounding that case as well. What she didn't know, though, was the true cause of Stella’s most recent string of panic attacks.

“When did they start again?” Bedelia asked.

“About 3 weeks ago.”

“What changed?”

“I met someone. Her name is Dana,” Stella said and smiled. Bedelia looked at her and tried to hide her amusement. She had waited for this moment to happen for years. Stella Gibson, falling for someone. “She is....different. James introduced us and we had a get together two weekends ago”

“What happened then?”

“James had set us up at a bar not too far from her place and we made small talk for a bit. We eventually ended up at her place and things were getting heated. She asked me to spend the night with her and I agreed” Bedelia looked at her.

“A sexual request?” she asked and Stella shook her head no.

“I let her undress me and showed her parts of myself, no one living has ever seen,” she said quietly. “She was gentle. She made me feel loved.” Stella had tears in her eyes, something Bedelia had only seen a handful of times. Stella took a deep breath before she continued.

“She held me that night. I bought her coffee the next morning and was going to take her to one of my safe places, but we didn't end up going,” Stella said.

“Why not?”

“She... We.. I guess a miscommunication occurred and we ended up making out in my car before going back up to her place. We fucked and I stayed the night again. The following morning was the first attack. I had a nightmare and went to write it down only to find that I didn't have my dream journal. Dana wasn't there and all I could think of was getting out of there. She came in, halfway through my dressing and said she was going to take a shower, she’d been on a run.” Stella said in a rush. She paused for a moment and a single tear rolled down her face.

“I left her. Without saying goodbye. No note. No explanation. I cheapened our relationship to a one night stand.” Stella said and her voice broke.

“You were at the beginning stages of a panic attack. You needed to get back to safety,” she told Stella gently and Stella stayed quiet. “What are you afraid of? What were you thinking of just before you called me?”

I was thinking of her, she thought, thinking of me leaving her. Thinking of how she must have felt, how I would have felt if she had left like that. Thinking of never seeing her again. Thinking of her never wanting to see me again. Thinking of me hurting her. Stella’s chest started to tighten and Bedelia started the breathing counts again.

“God, what am I going to do, Delia?” Stella said after finally calming down.

“Go to her. You need either closure or reconciliation, both require reunion in this case,” Bedelia said and Stella nodded.

“Shall we keep our appointment for next Monday? Do you want to go back to bi-weekly sessions?” Stella nodded again and thanked her before ending the call. She knew she needed to see Dana. She had been putting it off for weeks. How could she expect her to forgive her? Would she understand? Am I willing to share this with someone? What if it happens again while she is there? A million questions ran through her mind until eventually, she decided to take action.

“Charles, can you do me a favor?” Stella said into the phone hoping that Dana would understand.

**

Dana had just finished up her last class for the day. It was Wednesday, her easiest day and it was 14:00. She turned onto the hallway where her office was, her head engrossed in whatever she was reading. She didn't notice that Stella was standing to the right of her door looking stunning as usual. She had on a leather skirt and a cream silk blouse.

“Dana,” she said softly, testing the waters. Dana looked up at her and opened her mouth, but no words came out. She stared at her for a moment before fetching her keys and opening the door to her office. She stepped inside and put her papers on her desk before turning to Stella. She had so many emotions going through her that she was paralyzed as she chose not to rely on any of them.

“Stella, hi,” Dana said without feeling. It wasn't mean or rude but it wasn't exactly warm and welcoming either.

“Are you free for a moment? Can we talk?” Stella’s eyes pleaded with Dana’s.

“Of course, have a seat.” She motioned for Stella to sit down as she turned to close the door. She sat behind her desk and folded her hands. “What can I do for you, Stella?”

“I want you, Dana” Stella said and Dana looked at her, not saying anything. She did not know how to respond to that. She wanted her. Was it sexual? Did she want to date her?

“I’m not sure what that means,” Dana said slowly. Stella didn't know what her words meant either, but she knew that she wanted to be around Dana. Eventually, she came up with something to say.

“I want to spend time with you,” Stella said, feigning confidence, after a slight pause. Dana gave her a skeptical look. She was conflicted. On the one hand, she was ecstatic, this was the moment she had been waiting for, a chance to see Stella and spend more time with her. On the other hand, she felt hesitant to dive in. She had been left in a vulnerable state when Stella left the first time and wasn't sure she would survive another pull back if she caught feelings.

“What changed?” Dana said and Stella looked down. Stella’s eyes were filling with tears and she tried to swallow a couple of times and hold back her tears. She looked all around the room, avoiding Dana’s gaze but Dana saw her eyes pool the moment it happened. Dana could see that this wasn't something she wanted to talk about just yet and decided to cut her some slack. She had, after all, took a huge risk already by coming here. Dana walked around her desk and put her hand on her shoulder and Stella looked up at her. Dana could see the pain in Stella’s eyes, could see her pain reflected back somehow. All of her anger and hesitancies fell out the way. All she wanted to do was take away the pain this woman was feeling. She moved closer and Stella looked away.

“I completely understand if you don't want to,” Stella started, “ but I really want to know you.”

“Ok,” Dana said softly. She moved to get her coat and bag. “Did you drive here Stella?”

“No, I took the trolley.” I needed time to think, she added in her head.

“Want to go back to my place?” Stella smiled and her heart swelled. She didn't think Dana would ever talk to her again and now she was about to spend time with her. She nodded her head and Dana smiled. 


	7. Need to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Want to go back to my place?” Stella smiled and her heart swelled. She didn't think Dana would ever talk to her again and now she was about to spend time with her. She nodded her head and Dana smiled. Dana grabbed her coat and Stella stood up. Dana was shuffling to put her papers in her briefcase as they left the office and headed to the parking garage. Dana, still looking down, struggled to find her car keys. Once found, she led Stella to her car and halted rather abruptly. 

“Is everything alright?” Stella asked when she saw the uneasy look on Dana’s face. She turned in the direction of the car and saw, written in the dirt on her car, the words ‘don’t give up’. Stella looked back at Dana and repeated her question. Dana still didn't answer and Stella began to get worried. She touched Dana’s arm gently, hoping to bring her back to the present with her. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Stella said and Dana looked at her a moment before nodding her head. Stella’s face visibly relaxed when she saw a small smile playing on the corners of Dana’s lips. They drove to Dana’s flat, stopping at Stella’s on the way for her to pick up a change of clothes. Both women agreed that it was unlikely that Stella would be back at hers tonight and they both had work in the morning. She made sure to grab her journal and her toiletries so she wouldn't feel completely out of place. 

“Dinner? I have some seasoned fish in the fridge that I was going to make to go over my salad tonight. If you don't like that, we can always make something else or order in,” Dana said and walked to the fridge. 

“Fish? What kind?” Stella was not a huge fish eater. She would much rather have a burger or a juicy steak. Dana could see Stella’s hesitancy and she smiled internally.

“Burger?” Dana said and Stella smiled, her relief evident. Dana called the order in and Stella made herself comfortable. She went into Dana’s room and looked for the t shift she had last time. Once found, she grabbed the t-shirt and stripped her clothes. She put the t-shirt on and folded her clothes. She grabbed a t-shirt for Dana and headed back to the dining room. Dana was sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone. She still had her work clothes on and her hair was still hanging down around her face. She loved her short fiery cut and resisted the urge to rake her fingers through her locks on her way to the couch. She moved to sit next to her and handed her the t-shirt. 

“You should take off those clothes, Dana. Get comfortable. Stay awhile,” she joked and Dana laughed before grabbing the t-shirt. 

“Dana..” Stella began and Dana looked over to Stella patiently. She knew that Stella would explain whatever happened at some point or another. “I want to apologize and offer an explanation for my behavior. I have to tell you... I left that morning because...” Stella paused and looked down at her hands. Her face had scrunched up a bit as she searched for the right words. 

“I had the sudden urge to leave. My chest had tightened and I felt like I couldn't breathe,” Stella whispered. 

“A panic attack,” Dana offered and Stella shook her head looking ashamed. “It is nothing to be ashamed about,” Dana said and Stella looked away. “Hey, we don't have to talk about this now if you don't want to...” 

“No. I wanted to tell you... Before, I just didn't want to tell you because I was afraid you would judge me or wouldn't accept me. Your opinion matters to me,” Stella said and Dana smiled. Her wishes had come true. Stella cared for her too.  
“Thank you for telling me” 

Stella got up and took the shirt out of Dana’s hands. She tossed it beside them before finding the hem of Dana’s shirt. 

Dana watched wide-eyed at the woman standing before her. She looked a bit tired and her blond hair seemed a bit more ruffled than usual. She felt Stella tug on her shirt. She looked down realizing that Stella wanted her to lift her arms. She smiled and lifted them, making eye contact as she did the movement. 

Stella slowly pulled the fabric over her head. She dropped it to the floor and replaced it with her hand. She ran her small fingers along dana’s stomach. Dana gasped when she backed away unexpectedly. Stella grabbed the t-shirt from the couch and put it on Dana gently. Dana grabbed Stella’s hand and Stella looked at DAna curiously.

“I want you, Stella,” Dana said while looking her in her eyes. Stella gulped a bit and opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. Dana closed the space between them and kissed Stella fully on her lips. She moved a bit and kissed all the way up to her ear. “I want you, Stella, but...” She bit Stella’s earlobe, tugging lightly before saying, “I need you to talk to me.” She kissed back down her jaw. Stella’s breath was audible, her chest heaving. She wanted more. Stella touched Dana’s waist and pulled her closer. Her hands traveled down to her ass and Dana gasped. 

The sound of Dana’s phone ringing pulled her from her trance. She reluctantly pulled away and retrieved her phone from her purse. 

“Hello?” 

“Dana, why haven't you been answering your phone?” Mrs. Scully screamed through the phone. 

“Sorry, mom,” Dana said, her face reddening to an adorable shade of pink. Stella quietly chuckled as her fingers moved to touch Dana’s arm, pulling her down on the couch with her. “What’s wrong?”

“Mulder was released from the psychiatric unit last week, but no one has seen him since,” Mrs. Scully said. 

Dana sighed. “This is not my problem anymore, Mom.”

“Dana...”

“I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you” Dana hung up the phone. She sighed heavily and looked down at her phone. She thought about Mulder, the man she once loved. The only person who knew her body in and out, in ways that no one would ever know. She didn't know why but she still sympathized him. Even after what he did. The thing that landed him in the psychiatric facility, to begin with. Tears welled up in Dana’s eyes and Stella looked at her concerned. She moved to sit on top of her lap, straddling her as she hugged her tightly. They stayed in this position until Stella suggested they go to her bedroom. Stella didn't know what was going on but she remembered what Dana had done for her and had the instinct to care for her. She held her as she cried until she fell asleep. 

Once she was asleep, Stella got up and cleaned up the kitchen, putting the food away and tidying up what she could. She grabbed her dream journal and brought it to Dana’s bedside table. She climbed back to her previous position and looked at Dana. Her face was tense and she looked distressed even in her sleep. Stella kissed her forehead. 

“I’ll try. I’ll try for you, Dana.” Stella whispered and hoped everything would be okay.


End file.
